Dude! Where's My Content? : GW2

 

The flash card review of GW2's latest episode:  

Tangled Paths.

It's short. No, really, I know they're all short but this one...it's short.

Mordrem are the new Risen. Remember when no-one liked Orr and you had to change it? Those who do not learn from history blah blah blah...

What is this? High school? Can't hang with you any more Logan 'cos I got a new crew and things to do but yeah, sure, we can totally get together sometime. You still got my number, right?

It's nice you finally noticed I'm a Charr though. Racial dialog varietals are cool.

Speaking of which, did I mention how I never trusted that Anise? Oh, I did?

Interactions with Anise? You want to hear about my "interactions" with Anise? How long you got?

"Boss" fights fit into in story content like hamsters fit into tuxedos. Fish. Bicycle. Something. The people that like fights complain the fights are dumbed down, the people that like story complain the fights are too hard. No-one's happy.

Also, while we're on the subject, strung-out, tedious fights that you know you simply cannot lose take way more suspension of disbelief to make fun than I have in stock. Y'know how we have that "Skip to end" button on cut scenes? Put that on the fights. Just sayin'.

Pet rez FTW!

Basil Exposition! Hi! Glad you could make it! Exactly how dim do you think we are, by the way? When we're all standing around after a major plot point just happened do we really need three separate characters to explain it? And if we do does my character have to be one of them?

Excuse me? Who are you and what have you done with Caithe?

I hate mazes. That is all.

On the bright side, a maze full of aggressive monsters that you can successfully navigate by moving a little pointer around the map rather than bothering to fight anything? If you're going to have a maze at all, which I wish you wouldn't, but if you are, then I guess I'll take one of those, thanks.

NPC pathing sucks. Rox, I'm looking at you.

Going out on a limb here but were you in a rush? Someone's birthday and everyone going downtown for pizza maybe? No-one wanted to stay late and finish the fiddly bits? I only ask because I have this habit of talking to all the NPCs that have a "Talk" option, before and after the big set pieces and it's really quite unusual for none of them to have anything to say. Not even one of those clunky default lines that means "oh, are you still here? Show's over, go home".

By George! I think she's got it! Let's do the show right here!

Taimi and Brun doing their reverse Harold and Maude. Highlight of the episode. Hang around and eavesdrop. Someone had fun with that one and so did I.

I didn't realize you could buy ironic foreshadowing in bulk.

There's a thread on the forum titled "Go back to Season 1's format". It's getting a predictably frosty response but I have to say I have some sympathy. Is that Joni Mitchell I hear singing?

Oookayyy...that was totally not embarrassing, right? Tell me no-one was filming it on their phone...

Jory gets my vote for Most Inconsistently Characterized NPC In A Major MMO. When, exactly, did she and "The Boss" become BFFs? I'm expecting a hand-weaved friendship bracelet for Wintersday.

The Sylvaris-can't-be-trusted sub-plot is humming along so nicely. I never trusted (or liked) them to begin with.

That's enough snark seasoned with credit-where-it's-due. Took longer to type this than it did to play through the whole thing.