Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Dude! Where's My Content? : GW2

The flash card review of GW2's latest episode:  
Tangled Paths.

It's short. No, really, I know they're all short but this one...it's short.

Mordrem are the new Risen. Remember when no-one liked Orr and you had to change it? Those who do not learn from history blah blah blah...

What is this? High school? Can't hang with you any more Logan 'cos I got a new crew and things to do but yeah, sure, we can totally get together sometime. You still got my number, right?

It's nice you finally noticed I'm a Charr though. Racial dialog varietals are cool.

Speaking of which, did I mention how I never trusted that Anise? Oh, I did?

Interactions with Anise? You want to hear about my "interactions" with Anise? How long you got?

"Boss" fights fit into in story content like hamsters fit into tuxedos. Fish. Bicycle. Something. The people that like fights complain the fights are dumbed down, the people that like story complain the fights are too hard. No-one's happy.

Also, while we're on the subject, strung-out, tedious fights that you know you simply cannot lose take way more suspension of disbelief to make fun than I have in stock. Y'know how we have that "Skip to end" button on cut scenes? Put that on the fights. Just sayin'.

Pet rez FTW!

Basil Exposition! Hi! Glad you could make it! Exactly how dim do you think we are, by the way? When we're all standing around after a major plot point just happened do we really need three separate characters to explain it? And if we do does my character have to be one of them?

Excuse me? Who are you and what have you done with Caithe?
I hate mazes. That is all.

On the bright side, a maze full of aggressive monsters that you can successfully navigate by moving a little pointer around the map rather than bothering to fight anything? If you're going to have a maze at all, which I wish you wouldn't, but if you are, then I guess I'll take one of those, thanks.

NPC pathing sucks. Rox, I'm looking at you.

Going out on a limb here but were you in a rush? Someone's birthday and everyone going downtown for pizza maybe? No-one wanted to stay late and finish the fiddly bits? I only ask because I have this habit of talking to all the NPCs that have a "Talk" option, before and after the big set pieces and it's really quite unusual for none of them to have anything to say. Not even one of those clunky default lines that means "oh, are you still here? Show's over, go home".

By George! I think she's got it! Let's do the show right here!

Taimi and Brun doing their reverse Harold and Maude. Highlight of the episode. Hang around and eavesdrop. Someone had fun with that one and so did I.

I didn't realize you could buy ironic foreshadowing in bulk.

There's a thread on the forum titled "Go back to Season 1's format". It's getting a predictably frosty response but I have to say I have some sympathy. Is that Joni Mitchell I hear singing?

Oookayyy...that was totally not embarrassing, right? Tell me no-one was filming it on their phone...

Jory gets my vote for Most Inconsistently Characterized NPC In A Major MMO. When, exactly, did she and "The Boss" become BFFs? I'm expecting a hand-weaved friendship bracelet for Wintersday.

The Sylvaris-can't-be-trusted sub-plot is humming along so nicely. I never trusted (or liked) them to begin with.

That's enough snark seasoned with credit-where-it's-due. Took longer to type this than it did to play through the whole thing. 


  1. I heard something about an egg and a dragon and ASSUMED there would be a cute pet at the end of this. Was I wrong? I am about to reclaim that HD space....

    1. Hmm. No, no cute dragon mini so far. Of course, the egg hasn't hatched yet...

  2. There is a new phase to the Silverwastes meta event. It's kind of a Crystal Maze-style bonus round, where the labyrinth in the last story instance is full of treasure chests mobs and you have 15 minutes to grab as much loot as you can. But they don't tell you anything about how to trigger it, so unless you scour the patch notes and achievements or play around in the zone for a while it's easy to miss.

    (After the 4 bosses in 5 minutes phase from the previous episode, the time-out before the event resets will be 20 minutes instead of 5. When that happens, some more champions spawn in the middle of the zone, west of Red Rock- kill them all to open the labyrinth.)

    1. I saw that in the patch notes (which are also short and very vague) but I haven't investigated it yet. I did see the details of what was IN those chest, though: "rare and masterwork gear, dragonite ore, and a chance to discover new recipes for Bountiful and Furious Maintenance Oils, Sharpening Stones, and Tuning Crystals." That was enough to remove any interest I had in investigating further.

      I'm beginning to dislike this whole "map based around an organized sequence of events" concept. It's fine for a limited duration like a holiday or one episode of LS, or a limited time-slot, like Teq or 3-Headed Wurm, but as a permanent feature running 24/7 it reminds too much of standing in an arcade feeding coins into a slot machine.

    2. I've always disliked 'event only' maps, and especially ones that take coordination all around it.. because coordination between strangers in GW2 is a bit of a rare thing. But I find maps where there are only events, to be incredibly boring after an hour or two. Silverwastes is no exception.


Wider Two Column Modification courtesy of The Blogger Guide