Thursday, June 25, 2020

Animal Crossing Pocket Camp: First Quarterly Report


Eugene is believed to be suffering from identity issues, although exactly who he thinks he could be is not entirely clear . He may believe he's Elvis or possibly The Fonz. James Dean has been suggested. Eugene also has seperation issues, albeit not with people. He forms attachments with inanimate objects. These are becoming a cause for concern. On the positive side, Eugene doesn't lack self-awareness. He knows his behavior draws unfavorable attention from some of the other campers (and staff) but he hasn't yet reached the point where he's ready to ask for help. He still thinks he can, in his own jargon, "deal". An intervention may be called for.


We had a breakthrough with Butch. Long years of living up to his childhood nickname have taken a heavy toll but happily he is beginning to show signs of progress. He is now able to acknowledge his feelings, even though he struggles to express them. Butch no longer responds to demonstrations of affection with a growl, far less a bite. In due time it should be possible to dispense with the protective headgear when approaching him but please continue to carry the net (behind the back and out of sight, as per regulations), in case of a relapse.


 Dotty (please note that really is her name, not just an insensitive and hurtful epithet) suffers from increasingly disturbing delusions. In recent conversations she has been observed moving from an expression of paranoid belief in her "fame" (which, for her, means constantly being followed and watched by "fans" (a peculiarly widespread problem among her peer group)) to voicing predictions of unlikely and unsettling social trends. It is of paramount importance she not be allowed to communicate these suggestions to other campsite residents, many of whom are exceedingly suggestible.

The campsite musical therapy program is starting to show some rewards for Boots, although he still seeks to subvert the process to shore up his individual, unrealistic worldview. An obsessive focus on insect life, something he shares with all too many campers, continues to make itself evident in unusual, bizarre and unsettling ways. (cf Dolly).

Freya is doing well but ensuring campers remain appropriately dressed at all times continues to present a challenge. In particular, persuading any animal to wear clothing below the waist has proved impossible. It should be stressed that they are, after all, animals. Please remember to make that point, firmly but politely, when dealing with complaints (or visits from the authorities).

Lottie, sadly, has not been one of our success stories. She moved from trying to sell imaginary camping spaces to cajoling, and in some cases manipulating, other campers into highly inappropriate liasons, in the guise of her supposed "new job". For several weeks, Lottie all but took over the meditation garden, turning it into a kind of impromptu wedding chapel. Several campers were convinced Lottie did indeed have the legal authority solemnize marriages. In the end, decisive action had to be taken, for the wellbeing of all concerned. Lottie has now left the campsite. Her current whereabouts are unknown.

Enquiries are still in progress concerning Cherry's recent revelations. For the present, our working hypothesis remains that the revelations of her imagined (?) past represent no more than yet another manifestation of the antisocial - indeed asocial - tendencies that brought her to the campsite to begin with. Some of the claims are so specific, however, it would be socially irresponsible to ignore them completely. Cherry's unfortunate predilection for setting things on fire ("just to see the world burn") has not yet been brought fully under control (neither hers nor ours), as is often all too plain for all to see. Please continue keep Cherry on "fire watch" at all times. Also, please see the list of songs no longer to be played over the camp's loudspeaker system ("Ride", Born to Be Wild", "Bat Out Of Hell" etc.).

Apollo has his good days but they are balanced by periods of introspection, self-doubt and (fortunately, rarely) bleak, existential despair. His memory is failing and he doesn't always recognize other campers but he nevertheless remains a popular and much-loved resident, well-respected as the first to find his way through our gates.

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