Saturday, October 4, 2014

You Sold Me A Pup : ArcheAge

Klaus. Klaus! Where do we begin?

It's nice you're so impressed with my bravery.  What was it? The devil-may-care way I turned my horse onto your cart-track instead of carrying on along the paved highway to the great city of Marianople,  whose walls we can both see, right over there, on the other side of your cow-pasture?  Well, yes, I can see how some people might consider that must have taken some bravery. Although I imagine they'd think of some other word for it.

Dawnsliver, isn't that what you call this place? A romantic name for...well, let's not be unnecessarily cruel. You do the best you can with what you've got, I'm sure. Let's get back to the fields. What, exactly, is so dangerous about your fields, anyway, that it impresses you so much when someone dares to set foot in them?

There are some dangers, aren't there, Klaus? You wouldn't just be buttering me up in the hope of relieving me of some silver and getting one of those fat puppies off your hands at the same time , now, would you?

I might take your compliments more to heart if it wasn't for the fact that I passed through your village not two days ago and you didn't seem any too "impressed" with me back then. As I recall, that time you didn't want to speak to me at all. Didn't have anything to say about my bravery. No generous advice to offer on how I might better protect myself from the supposed risks lurking in your fields. Couldn't get a word out of you, could we?

Although, as I remember it, you were happy enough to take my money for one of those wolfhound pups. No tips on how to raise or train it, mind you. No checks on my suitability as an owner. You took the silver, I took the pup, not so much as a nod passed between us. And now here we are again, all smiles. That's a metaphor, Klaus. I've never seen you smile.

So, anyway, getting back to the "bravery" thing and the adventuring and all that, you wouldn't be working around to getting me to do some odd job for you, would you? Oh, it's alright, I know the drill. And it's not like I have anything better to do. Goblins, this time, is it? There's a surprise. Steal the wool, do they? Big knitters, then, are they, these goblins? You learn something new every day.

Well, I do. Not so much you, Klaus. I doubt you learn much new at all, sitting on your rump in the dirt all day here in the village square, if we may dignify it with the name. All day, every day. No wonder you're impressed. At least I move about.

No, Klaus, don't stir yourself. You wait there and I'll go see about these goblins...

There. That wasn't so hard. They aren't very big, after all, are they, goblins? Kind of famous for it. Here's your wool. Knit yourself a scarf. Winter's coming.

Wait. You did what, Klaus? You "prepared a few pups" for me? What does that even mean? Pardon my skepticism if you will, Klaus, but aren't these the very same pups, sitting in the very same boxes, as when I arrived? What preparation did you give them? Taught them a few tricks, did you? Got the old dog shampoo out and smartened them up a bit, maybe?

Oh, never mind. Just hand one over. I'll have that one there, the black one. Yes, I know about the cow's milk. Had to work that out for myself last time, didn't I? Back when you were in a sulk or hungover or whatever it was that kept you so quiet.

I'll just be off to the "dangerous" fields again and get this one all trained up. You can spare a little milk I'm sure. Must be strong stuff, that milk. These dogs do grow fast. Is that natural, do you think? Probably best not to ask. It's strange how little these pups look like the full-grown dog, too, isn't it? Okay, definitely best not to ask.

Time for us to say our goodbyes, Klaus. I'll be taking your black dog along with me. No, that's not a metaphor this time. Although looking at your expression I'm not so sure. Back to the old silent treatment, is it? Have it your way.

Look after yourself, anyway, Klaus. And take care of those puppies. I might be back and pick up a brown one next time I'm passing. Be nice to have the set. Always assuming I feel brave enough to cross the fields.

Oh come on, man. Lighten up!


  1. Someone is enjoying himself immensely in ArcheAge it seems ;)

    I'm personally waiting for when the usual 'tourists' are decrying the game as fail etc. in a few weeks time and packing their bags, the more I read the more I think I'll enjoy this game.

    Hoping they do add a 'small Race' soon, preferably something a little oddball like the orphaned Porkull from Wizardry or (one can hope, no?) Glorantha's Durulz (a.k.a. Ducks)

  2. Puppy mill, eh? *sigh* I'd say report Klaus but if the local constabulary are similarly catatonic... I dunno.

    -- 7rlsy

  3. Does "you sold me a pup" not mean "this is rubbish( trash, garbage)" in the US?
    It certainly does in the UK and Australia.

    1. Nope.

      Honestly, I'd not heard of it before (which surprises me), but I gathered as much from the context.

      (I just tossed in the puppy mill thing for a giggle.)

      -- 7rlsy


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