Signs Of The End Times : #1 In An Infinite Series

I didn't know what I was going to post about this morning until I saw this story in my feeds. It's from NME so, being mainly focused on music as that estimable publication still is, the thrust of the story is on the involvement of Gerard Way, probably best-known for being the lead singer of emo greats My Chemical Romance, but who also happens to be the writer and creator of the original comic series featuring The Umbrella Academy, something I still struggle to get my head around.

The project he's gotten himself involved in now, though, turns out to be so much stranger than any of that. He's not singing or writing this time, he's speaking, as part of the voice cast for...

... Oh boy! It's so weird I barely know where to begin. For a start, that voice cast. It's a pretty stellar one. As well as Gerard it includes Michael Dorn (Worf from Star Trek), movie director Kevin Smith, a whole raft of topline voice actors whose work you'd know even if you don't recognise their names. And then there's Luke Gygax.

Luke is Gary Gygax's son, which is your big clue that this has to be some kind of Dungeons & Dragons spin-off. With that information and the knowledge that a whole load of presumably expensive voice actors have been hired to bring it to life, what would you guess it was? 

A video game? An animated movie? A TV show? 

Nope. Guess again. Did anyone say a pinball table? Because that's what it is.

I recommend watching that video all the way through because I'm betting you won't have seen or heard anything like it before. Unless you're completely up-to-date with modern pinball, I guess, in which case maybe it all seems perfectly normal.

It sure didn't seem normal to me but then the last time I played pinball must have been in the 'nineties. The last time I played pinball regularly would have been a decade or two before that, when I played every chance I got, even though I was never in the slightest bit competent at it, let alone any good.

I was still playing, occasionally, when the machines began talking back to me but I had no idea how far things had moved on since then. It's a whole new world now.

The pinball machine in question is called Dungeons & Dragons: The Tyrant's Eye. It's produced by Stern and as well as the near-seven minute video, it has its own page on Stern's website with a detailed description of what to expect. Here are a few quotes:

"Stern Pinball players worldwide will be brought on an epic and thrilling journey as they adventure into the forgotten realms, featuring iconic enemies, including a red dragon, gelatinous cube, mimic, Sammaster the lich, Xanathar the beholder, an owlbear, and locations including those in Faerûn such as Arabel and Westgate."

 On a pinball table, remember.

"...players are chosen members of the Dragonshield Guild, trying to defeat the dragon queen Tiamat, who is hatching a plan to rise again, triggering the War of Dragons, with Xanathar, Balinor and Sammaster all fighting for power."

Again, this is all happening on a pinball table.

"...explore dynamic dungeon levels that are accessed through a disappearing playfield trap door. Other features include Fizmo’s store that allows players to acquire unique items, a treasure chest that unleashes mimic monsters, and more secrets to uncover."

Enough quotes. If you want a lot more of that sort of thing with a great deal of even more incredible hyperbole, I direct you once again to the video. It really is a must-watch.

I did, as it happens, have a vague idea that pinball had begun to incorporate narrative elements but I had no idea things had gone this far. From the video it seems this amounts to a full campaign with playable characters, multiple endings and the ability to save your progress as you go. In a pinball game.

I'm a little unclear on whether there's a fully-rendered, visual story to watch, maybe on the big screen at the far end of the machine. It looks as though there is in the video but there's no sign of it in the short gameplay video on YouTube.

If the first question that came to mind was "How?" the one that stayed with me was "Why?" In this part of the blogosphere, we occasionally debate whether video games offer the best way to tell certain stories. Opinions differ on whether having to solve puzzles or win fights to move the dialog along adds or detracts from the narrative process. 

All of that fades into total insignificance when compared with using pinball as a medium for complex storytelling. It reminds me of Monty Python's semaphore version of Wuthering Heights. Except this is funnier.

If you want on of these amazing tables for yourself (And why wouldn't you?) the cheapest is the "Pro" at $6,999. There are two other variants, the Premium at $9,699 and the Limited Edition at $12,999. 

If you want that last one, better be quick about it. There are only 740 available globally because this whole project is, to quote Stern, "In celebration of 50 years of the World’s Greatest Roleplaying Game", which published its first edition in 1974. Geddit? 

Yeah, not really. Wouldn't either 74 or 1,974 have made more sense? Logically, yes, but presumably not commercially.

Also, beware that weasel word "globally". All three variants carry the warning "Games configured for North America operate on 60 cycle electricity only. These games will not operate in countries with 50 cycle electricity (including but not limited to Europe, UK, Australia)." Kind of a limited definition of global there, I'd say, although there's nothing stopping anyone, anywhere from buying one. They just might not be able to plug it in.

Or you could just wait 'til it comes to your local pinball arcade, I guess. They still have those somewhere, right?