A Plague On Both Their Houses (It's What They Would Have Wanted)

In recognition of the season, Mrs Bhagpuss, far spookier than I, has been re-watching the Addams Family movies along with the Wednesday TV show, which was presumably why she came into the kitchen as I was sitting there, eating toast the other morning and asked, a propos of nothing, "Munsters or Addams Family?".

Clearly there could only ever be one correct answer to this question, an answer which I duly gave without hesitation. That evening, though, as I was trawling YouTube for even more obscure and ludicrous Christmas songs for the 2024 Inventory Full Advent Calendar (Oh yes, it's coming...) I found myself wondering if there were any covers of the theme tunes to either of those shows.

Of course there are. Fricken' hundreds of them. There were so many, I gave up scrolling after a while. It was like one of those spiral staircases that keep going down and down and down until you scent the faint reek of brimstone wafting up to meet you...

I guess it's not surpising so many people have felt entitled to take a tilt at these two. They're both insanely catchy, as was the way of TV themes once upon a time, most especially in the 1960s, when subliminal advertising was an actual thing and the goal of most TV theme tunes seemed to be to embed a short, musical phrase so deeply into the viewer's brain it could never be dislodged even by years of therapy. 

Advertising of the time worked on the same principle, which is why anyone over fifty can sing you the jingles written to sell several dozen products and services that ceased to be a commercial proposition before you, my little angel, were ever born.

No, the question wasn't so much would there be any covers. It was would any of them be any good?

And the answer? 

Not really. 

I listened to far too many of them. Or, rather, I listened to fragments. Most of them I couldn't stick for more than the time it took to register how dull they were. Here's the thing with theme tunes of the era. They're really short and yet far too long and for good reason. 

Back in the days of broadcast TV, when it was be there or miss out, the theme needed to be highly distinctive so that everyone in the house, no matter where they were, could prick up their ears at the opening bars, put down whatever they were doing, dry their hands or adjust their clothing and have time to get to the lounge or the living room or wherever the one TV set in the house was casting flickering black and white shadows across the floral wallpaper, in time to get settled down on the sofa for the start of the actual show.

At the same time, the theme had to be short enough not to wear out the patience of anyone already watching when it began, so as to minimise the chances of their switching to another channel. A delicate balancing act, especially when the music also needed to be supported by something to watch while you were waiting for the damn show to start.

None of which really leans into the strengths of three minute pop songs, which is what theme tunes turn into when musicians get their claws into them. Even if you cut that three minutes in half it seems long. Most covers of The Addams Family theme clock in around 1.45 and it still drags.

The Munsters theme benefits from having no words. It's easier to listen to an instrumental that overstays its welcome because it's easier to tune it out. Which isn't much of a compliment, now I think about it. 

The odd thing about that is that the Munsters theme actually does have lyrics. They just aren't used in the opening to the show. You can hear them on an L.P. (That's a kind of vinyl record they used to have in the olden days before the Beatles invented The Album.) It was called "At Home With The Munsters" and it came out in 1964, which seems surprisingly early, although I imagine in the UK we got the show several years late.

Being an instrumental also fits the Munsters theme very well for the kind of bands who seem keenest to take a crack at it. Given the macabre theme, you might expect it would be goths but I imagine most goths wouldn't be willing to acknowledge the comedic influence even of the genuinely macabre Addams Family, much less the cartoonish slapstick of the Munsters. 

Surf bands, though... they freakin' love this kind of stuff. And the theme itself is kinda surfy already so it's not a long reach. The early sixties was the heyday of surf rock so the synergies are clear. The Munsters theme does work as a surf tune, even at three minutes plus. I found it far easier to listen to a few of those all the way through than to hear all that finger-clicking and herky-jerky, stop-start performance art from the folks who like to dress up as Wednesday and Fester.

Because oh yes, you have to drag up if you're going to cover the Addams Family. It's the law. I mean. quite a few of the guys doing the Munsters theme give a nod to Fred Gwynne's goofy take on Frankenstein but it's so much easier to put on a black frock and white socks and do your hair up in pigtails than it is to get a bolt through your neck...

Anyway, that's enough pre-amble. Let's have some of the more listenable examples I found. Somewhere in the Addams Family's sub-basement there's a helpless fan who stopped by to get an autograph and just happened to mention they loved the theme tune, who's now trapped there, doomed to watch every cover version ever recorded on a loop. Forever.

Sorry. That was The Good Place bleeding over I think. Which is kind of appropriate. That show is turning out to be a lot spookier than I was expecting...

First up, I think we should remind ourselves of the originals.

There's a version someone hand-colorised, too, if you're into that.

Good job! As Miss Rachel would say. Up against this, though...

Class will out, as the saying goes.

And now, the covers. I think three of each ought to be more than enough. Let's have them take it in turns, like it's some kind of competition.

That's Surfquake. The sound's a bit muddy but bonus points for working a little Led Zeppelin in towards the end there.

From the aptly-named "Covers No-One Asked For" channel, this stands out for being what a good cover should be, namely recognizable but also very different from the original. Bonus points for doing Morticia and Gomez not Wednesday and Fester.

At this point you should have just watched a video credited only to "4 sisters". It's four sisters. In their house. And a fifth sister who runs in and out of shot at the beginning and the end. Unfortunately, they turn out to be on one of those irritating channels that blocks playback anywhere other than YouTube so you'll have to go there to watch it. It's worth the trip. The concentration on display could fuel a mission to Mars. Bonus points for no-one dressing up as Wednesday. Not like any of them needed to...

Anyway, I had to substitute, so what better than fourteen (By my count.) kids playing the spooktacular theme outdoors on a blazingly sunny day? They're Miramonte's Modern Band because nothing says "modern" like a cover of a sixty year-old TV theme. Bonus points for there being so many of them and not one of them looking like they ever saw the show.

I don't know about you but I'm always saying how there just aren't enough washboard covers on YouTube. Worth watching all the way through. The ending is really weird. Bonus points for dressing up as Wednesday and getting it right, for once.

I'll see your washboard and raise you a harpsichord, a tuba and an accordion. Bonus points for keeping it really short.

And finally, a Blues Rock band from Lyon France because who doesn't want to hear that? Especially with guest vocals from a woman who sounds like Violet Elizabeth Bott on helium. The band is called Midnight Burst, which doesn't sound very french to me and the singer is Astrid Gaspari, "singer of B-Odd, Fancy Hell and Back to the Seventies", all of whom I'm going to check out immediately I finish this post. Bonus points for... well, everything.

That's it. I'm done. Happy Halloween!