I Was Looking For A Job...

Final Fantasy XIV continues to shine in the free trial version. I enjoy it so much more than the original, full version, the one I bailed on after the first month back at launch. I strongly suspect the same would be true of all major MMORPGs, were they only to stop taking themselves so seriously.

In large part it's the absence of the stultifyingly dull Main Story Quest. When I first played, the MSQ was a nagging presence dominating every aspect of gameplay. What with mysterious, enigmatic and frequently offensive strangers telling me who I was, where I should go and what I should do, endless overwritten cut scenes all seemingly playing out in slow motion, not to mention the relentless running back and forth, hither and yon, merely to hear a couple of lines of tedious dialog, it's a miracle I lasted the thirty days.

The MSQ still exists, of course. I'm just having nothing to do with it. Or not much. I've done a bit along the way. At half way through Level 33 my current MSQ quest is the Level 23 "Never Forget". Between that and the last MSQ I can theoretically take when I hit the free trial cap of thirty-five, there are sixty-five more stages. I hope to do as few of them as humanly - or Miqo`tely - possible.

Instead, I've been doing something I never did the first time round. I've been hoovering up every starter Job quest I can find as well as chasing down every unlock. When I was trying to play properly I did exactly the opposite. I was worried about losing focus and spreading myself too thin. I stuck to one class and fishing, nothing else.

Today I joined the Blacksmith, Armorer, Culinarian, Leatherworker and Fishing guilds and the Rogues Guild, too. I remember turning down the Rogues years ago on the grounds that I don't like thieving in any game and it might get me into trouble. I was suckered by the self-conscious seriousness of the Main Story Quest. I believed my character had a purpose.

I realize now that that's not how it works. Nothing really makes any difference other than having fun. The rogues aren't really rogues, either. They're just playing at being pirates. No class in FFXIV should be taken seriously. It's all children playing dress-up.

Talking of dress-up, I also unlocked Glamours. I'm sure this would be a fine system if I could understand it. I can't. I tried to glamour (I hate that stupid "u") my character's annoyingly short Brand New Skirt with a nice, respectable pair of Weathered Shepherd's Slops, only to be told "Base item cannot be lower than that of the glamour cast".

Seriously, why? In almost all MMORPGs I've ever played the best-looking gear is the low-level stuff. I would almost always want to overwrite the higher-level, overwrought fancy clobber with the simple dress of the common person. Apparently that's not allowed.

Or possibly I just don't understand how it works. I read all of this and lost the will to live.

Luckily fishing is a lot easier. I enjoyed it a lot the first time round and the moment I was accepted into the guild I took out my rod and bait and got to it. Of course, all my clothes fell off.

FFXIV has always had serious issues with clothing and partial nudity. Leaving the lubricious dancing catgirls aside for a moment, I'm not the first to notice the inconsistencies. There is no rational or gameplay reason for characters to be stripped to their underwear in public every time they take up a new career.

Yes, characters need to get new gear for their new jobs but the choice not to provide basic clothing as a default is one hundred per cent down to the peculiar predilictions of artists and designers. Not only is there no lore or in-game cultural explanation or excuse for crafters running around in their skivvies, it flies in the face of the evident social norms. NPCs don't do it so why should players?

It's a shame because in almost every other way Eorzea is a gorgeous and convincing virtual world. Making good on my intent to travel from The Dark Shroud to La Noscea by way of Thanalan I spent some considerable time questing in the desert. The skies were blue as a butterfly's wing, the sand glowed gold and the sun scorched so hard I could feel it on my skin.

At Level 33 I had no trouble buying a ticket in Western Thanalan for the ferry to Limsa Lominsa. Whatever prevented Pete from travelling didn't stop me.

I've always liked Limsa Lominsa best of the three starting cities. It's a thrilling seaport with a raffish air. You can smell the ozone. It's also a nightmare to navigate. It took me nearly half an hour just to find an Inn, which is how I ended up starting all those new jobs.

When night fell the sky filled with fireworks. I didn't remember that from any of the other times I'd been there. Rounding a corner I came face to face with a plethora of glowing paper lanterns. The Moonfire Faire was in town.

Well, the barkers and hawkers are. The Faire itself is in Costa del Sol. I was hoping there'd be transport but I couldn't see any. I'll have to take a run over there, see what's going on.

Always something new to do. The fate of the world can wait. Forever, for all I care.

No Bombing At The Moonfire Fair! : FFXIV:ARR

The Moonfire Fair arrived in Eorzea yesterday, coming as something of a surprise on pretty much every level. Firstly because who was expecting any kind of holiday event to appear barely two weeks after launch, secondly because the image conjured by its softly evocative name belies the bizarre and jarring reality and thirdly because all the rewards are bloody swimsuits!!

There seems to be a strange tradition of swimwear festivals among some non-Western MMOs. They pop up in news articles or promos from time to time but always in games I don't play so I can't say I've payed much attention. Until now.

Oh, I was a little surprised all that time ago back in GW2's series of beta weekends when I arrived in Lion's Arch to find a whole lot of people in swimming trunks and bikinis lounging on the beach. Especially since it was nighttime. And then there was Southsun. Still, when all's said and done,those were beaches.

Isn't that a fire risk?

Ul'Dah is not a beach. Ul'Dah is a hot, dry desert city baking under a fierce sun. Beyond the steps of the city lie dusty plains and scrubland studded with gritty outposts and dangerous beasts. True, there is a very nice seaside resort just down the road but those gates are firmly locked right now. Gridania isn't a beach town either. It's a sprawling settlement deep in a thick forest. It rains a lot and my guess is it's pretty cold. Limsa Lominsa is on the coast but far out on a rocky promontory, whipped by winds, suitable for fishing in good wet weather gear but not, so far as I can tell, for beach volleyball.

Inappropriate weather conditions and absence of anywhere to lay down a towel doesn't cover the half of it, though. It seems that when the Fair comes in through one city gate all normal dress codes and indeed any form of modesty and decency go straight out the other.

Hmphh. Some people just have no self-respect.

Of course it's not as though the guards in any of these cities ever seem to enforce any kind of modicum of considerate or even sane behavior on the public streets in the first place. You can set up a crafting station just about anywhere, never mind it stops the traffic for blocks around and then there is that strange thing where when you take up a new craft all your clothes fall off, so I guess public semi-nudity is already something of a cultural norm in the three city states.

As a good tourist I always try to adapt to cultural norms. In this case that means both the real culture behind the game and the culture in which the game is set. Also, free stuff. It might never have occurred to me that what a Lalafell really needed along with her ancient magic crystal, her supernatural gift, her deeply mysterious destiny and her membership of a Secret Society was a blue two-piece swimsuit but if it's free...

Topaz! It's rude to stare! She's just a poor lady that can't afford clothes.

I spoke to the Cascadier Captian at the Moonfire Fair and got a long and frankly incomprehensible spiel that left me none the wiser. I had the vague impression I was supposed to go throw buckets of water over some firemen to cool them down.  Well that couldn't possibly be right. That would be silly, wouldn't it, and heaven forfend anyone should think there's anything silly about all this.

So I asked where I might get the Wet Ash the swimwear salesperson takes in trade and Mrs Bhagpuss offered to send me some in the post. She had some left over after buying bikinis in three different colors as well as a pair of shorts that she couldn't wear because apparently while you can walk the streets almost naked and no-one will bat an eye, if a girl should put on a pair of shorts meant for a guy cats would lie down with dogs and like that.

I do so too know how to have fun.

Anyway, I wanted to get the whole full-fat Moonfair experience for myself, not just mooch Wet Ash off a Linkie (going with that for the Guildie eqivalent) so she told me to go look for one of the special FATEs. She'd been doing them in Costa del Sol, a place I have yet to visit in Eorzea although I've been there often enough in real life. At least from the sound of it beachwear would for once be entirely appropriate, but apparently the FATEs can pop anywhere so I didn't feel the need to make a special trip.

They might be able to pop anywhere but they don't, at least not very often. Either that or I was just unlucky. I wandered around for an hour or so chasing a mysterious masked man in a black robe who turned out to be remarkably lax with security procedures and eventually I happened on an unfamiliar FATE full of Bombs (that's a type of mob. Yes, it confused me too).

If I keep my gloves on this didn't really happen.

Several minutes of highly entertaining, highly explosive combat later I had a bag full of wet ash. A fast chocobo ride back to Ul'Dah, a quick handover and my Lalafell became the uncertain owner of a blue bikini and a sparkler (I forgot to mention the fireworks) and that so far as I could tell was that.

Nothing left to do but go dance with the catgirls. Please throw money.