Ye gods, but that was a dreadful record. I'd all but wiped its existence from my mind but then someone gave it as an answer in a rerun of Pointless Mrs Bhagpuss and I were watching as we had our tea the other evening and now I have the damn thing stuck in my head again.
Actually, I don't. I have the concept stuck in my head. Fortunately the tune, if it ever had one, has stayed in whatever hell it went to after the seventies ended and the likes of St. Winifred's School Choir and Lieutenant Pigeon receded into that grim darkness reserved for one-hit wonders with hits no-one would ever admit to having bought.
Okay, fair dues. I didn't buy Mouldy Old Dough but I did quite like it. It is, at least, jolly, unlike, say, Matchstalk Men and Matchstalk Cats and Dogs or Grandad. It didn't make me want to chew my own arm off to escape when it came on Top of the Pops, at least. I'm not linking to any of these, either. If you already know them then just my naming them will have put the awful earworms back in your head (You're welcome!) and if not, trust me, you're so much better off that way.
All of this is making me think I ought to do a One Hit Wonders post some time, although if I did it would have to stop in the mid-90s, which is about the last time I was paying attention to the charts. I do, often, think of making some effort to follow the charts again but one of the few old people beliefs I do subscribe to is that the charts aren't real charts any more.
I mean, they were artificial enough before digital downloads and streaming, back when sales only counted if they were from a specific list of "Chart Stores" and all kinds of shenanigans went on to make sure the right records were in the right shops on the right day so the sales would all count. But at least they were sales. Money had to change hands. I'm not sure what the charts are even supposed to be a record of these days.
And with that cloud firmly shouted at, it's on to a selection of mostly new recordings, few of which, I suspect, will be bothering whoever or more likely whatever it is that compiles the mainstream charts these days. Let me just have a quick shuffle through the options... but nope. I could be wrong - I hope I'm wrong - but I can't see any of these troubling the top 40. There's no Olivia Rodrigo or Charli xcx this time around. No Sabrina Carpenter or Addison Rae. Not even a CMAT or a Magdalena Bay...
The Peace - underscores (Frost Children remix)
Y'know, I think underscores might be the biggest name in today's list. She's really come on. Charli xcx brought her out for the opening night of her Music, Fashion, Film tour in Philadelphia last night. They did a track from underscores new album, which is really spotlighting the guest artist.
This whole thing about "bringing people out" is very strange. Mrs Bhagpuss and I were talking about it in the car the other day. Musicians have always guested on each other's records and at each other's concerts but until the web we didn't always, or even often, hear about it. It was one of the things I found highly exciting at first, when I came back into music in the twenty-teens, but now it all feels a bit formulaic sometimes. It seems like if you're an act of a certain status it's almost obligatory that you "bring someone out" for any big gig. I wonder if there's a rota?
Getting back to the song, this is more of a Frost Children joint, I think. I like what they've done to it - clubbed it up, basically - but I prefer the original underscores version, which does in fact sound not unlike what Charli's doing these days.
Junior Beat - DJ Sabrina The Teenage DJ
I was, happily, off the scene when Flat Eric was king for a week. Somehow I don't think this is going to replicate that success but it's a great groove and a super-clever video for something Sabrina knocked together in an afternoon. The video, that is. I have no idea how long it took to make the song.
Drop Your Spirit - Brutalismus 3000
Heheheh! Okay, I'll stop with the club mix after this one. Another great minimalist video though.
Speaking of clubs, has anyone noticed YouTube now automatically tells you the date, time and place of the next, nearest public performance of whatever act you happen to be looking at? It's just about the most useful, helpful and unobtrusive use of targeted advertizing I've seen. I really like it.
In fact, it's acting as quite a strong nudge to make me seriously consider going to see someone play live for the first time in decades. Not this lot. The nearest they're playing to me is Boston. And not even Boston, Lancashire. Boston, Massachusetts. Underscores, though, is playing about a dozen miles from where I'm sitting. On my birthday...
Scam Manifesto - M(h)aol
I read the Warhol Diaries for the first time this year. He was an excellent writer and he wrote a lot, too. I must read the rest.
The Devil - Young Jesus
Hmm. That does sound a bit like John Cale's viola-playing with the Velvets, which I hadn't thought about when I programmed it after M(h)aol and their slinky sixties subculture allusions. The subconscious is wonderful thing. Or is it the unconscious? I always get those two muddled.
Sailor - Told Slant
Okay, you got me. There's nothing unconscious about the placement of this one. That's the thing about Warhol and the Velvets. Say their names and it can't help but summon up the spirit of Old New York. And who embodies that spirit better right now than Told Slant?
I can't believe I only just found out about Told Slant a few weeks ago...
Haha! Joke! Of course I can! There is So. Much. Music. So much good music. There's all this fuss about AI swamping the streams but they were already swamped beyond all hope of draining. Or navigating. An algorithm isn't going to guide you through the mangroves to the best alligators. You need a guide like Lana's old man.
I can prove it, too. The other day at work, my fellow Lana fan (One of them. We have several.) asked me if I'd heard Jessie Murph. It seems Lana had given Jessie the nod on socials. Instagram, probably. Lana likes Instagram.
I am not on Instagram or any socials so I don't follow even Lana because you can't follow if you're not on the road. I follow her on YouTube but she only ever posts anything there if it's an official release. It's not like she chats.
Anyway, I went home and watched some Jessie Murph, which you're about to do, too. If you click. I was expecting someone new and relatively unknown. I'd certainly never heard the name and I read three music news feeds every day and click through dozens of YouTube recommendations every week.
Heroin - Jessie Murph
This one has just over 600k views but it's a live video. Some of her official videos have 8m, 12m, 15m, 29m views. I cannot fathom how I've never even seen her name before. My working theory is that I have but it's such a bland name it didn't register.
That doesn't really work for the titles, though. I'd for sure have clicked through to see if a song called Heroin was a cover of either the VU all-time classic or Lana's own, excellent song of the same name. And I wouldn't have missed clicking on something called Drunk In The Bathtub or A Little Too Drunk or Sobriety or even Ur Bill Is Big As F*ck either. I don't know... you do the work, you put in the hours and it's still not enough. Thank god for word of mouth, that's all I'm saying.
Everything In The Shade - Fine
As I was saying to my friend at work, though, there are a lot of post-Lanas. And I mean, like, A LOT. You could spend your whole day sifting through them, looking for the good ones.
Aren't you glad you have me to do it for you?
The World Keeps Spinning - Almeda and Foushee
Almeda doesn't sound like Lana. Almeda doesn't sound like anyone, much, other than Almeda. If you sounded like Almeda, would you want to sound like anyone else? No, of course you wouldn't.
One thing that's great about the way everyone guests on everyone else's songs now is the way it introduces you to new artists. I guess that's another personal recommendation, in a way. Parasocially personal.
What I'm saying is, Fousheé is worth checking out, too. In case that didn't come through.
Soft Spot - P!lot
Short, isn't it, that one? But so sweet.
Following bands on YouTube is like adding blogs to the blog roll. I add them and then forget about them if they don't post anything new for a while. Then, one day, could be months later, could be years, up pops a new song or a new post and it's a little gleam of sunshine in the day. It costs nothing to leave them there forever so why not?
And now I guess it's time to take things home...
WALLFLOWER - DOMINIC FIKE
About time we had something in ALL CAPS! Plus I suppose Dominic Fike might be someone who'd get into the charts. Is he still a thing? He was a thing wasn't he? Once?
Whether he was or whether he wasn't, I have to say I didn't remember him sounding like this. I had him mentally filed somewhere not too far from Rex Orange County. 21st century blue-eyed soul. But Rex also has a new song out that sounds literally nothing like I remember him sounding, either. It sounds like an out-take from Red Rose Speedway ffs! Are the Beatles still a thing?
Don't answer that!
Why won't people stay in their goddam lanes?
I Do - Sophia Stel
This does sound like Barbie Girl, doesn't it? It's not just me?
I worked it out! They're America's answer to Sleaford Mods, aren't they? This is from their new album, due out in November. It'll be their third album. This year...
Lotta back catalog to get through...
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